she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
