So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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