it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
