I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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