Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
