So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
