i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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