And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
