I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
