Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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