Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Your mouth is God's brothel.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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