My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
