Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
