He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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