Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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