Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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