Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize