im drinking this country out of the recession.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
