I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
