yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
