woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
