i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
