i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
