You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
