you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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