Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
