watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
not ubering you a puppy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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