Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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