I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
