in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize