you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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