What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
