I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
