oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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