Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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