Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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