i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
