my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
high people should be assigned attendants
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
