the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
