i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
