Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
