Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
there's paper in my vomit.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
