last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So vagazzling was a success
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize