He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
