I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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