my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
