My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
