You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
