Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
