he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
