I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize