Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
