What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize