So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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