I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
