yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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