I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize