I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize