Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize