I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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