I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
