we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
