The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
