loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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