so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
