A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
