wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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