Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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