I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
