Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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