if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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