the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
