Umm I'm too high to move.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
