just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
