When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
