He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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