So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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