Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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