Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize