Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
