OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
