fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
