You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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