so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
