Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
