Four minutes until I can fart!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
