He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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