Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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