He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
