Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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