Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
